Fathers' Faces

Gregor also has hormone abnormalities caused by an under activity of the hypothalamus and a non functioning pituitary gland. He is non verbal, has autism, and has a lot of sensory issues. Early on we were told that he would never be able to see much of anything, yet today he uses his limited vision so well that most people don’t realize that he has any visual problems. Gregor also looks quite healthy, and really he is, however that can change quickly when stressed, due to his endocrine dysfunction. He does have developmental delays, likes to climb on everything, puts everything in his mouth and numerous other behavior issues.

One of the first distinct things that I recall Gregor doing was making things spin and wobble to a stop on the table. He really seemed to have a knack for making plastic plates or lids wobble for an extended time before coming to a stop. At the time I saw nothing wrong with this activity, but he kept wanting to do this for hours at a time. He did learn songs and nursery rhymes at such an early age that some people called it remarkable. Somewhere along this time there were childhood immunizations and a grand mal seizure, and no more talking.

For the next number of years it didn’t matter that he didn’t talk, because someone was right there to keep him safe, We began to anticipate his every need.  It is difficult to get him to interact with anyone.

It bothered me because I was dating Anna for 3 months and I still did not meet Ashley. Yet she had met my daughter Kelsey and son Jayson.

So one night I came right out and ask Anna are you embarrassed of your daughter? Anna was shocked that I was showing so much interest for her daughter. Anna said no she was not embarrassed of Ashley she just was not ready to have us meet.

One day I called out of the  blue and said I am in your neck of the woods and can I come by. Anna said yes come over but Ashley is here and I was excited that she said yes and finally I was going to get to meet Ashley. I can remember when the door opened and I saw Ashley’s face. She was so cute and she took my hand and we went and sat on the couch. Ashley wanted me to watch TV with her so we put on a car show and she sat in my lap and I explained to her what was going on about the cars.

Anna was invited to stay for dinner and ask me to go to the store for something. I asked if Ashley could go so she could pick out a video. Anna stated that was too much and I explained this is not my first rodeo and that kids are kids. Anna said you do not understand and I said don’t worry just relax. Ashley and I went to the store and when we got there was a horse ride and I ask Ashley if she wanted to go on a horse and she said yes and loved it and said “Again“.  I must of spent $4.00 dollars on a $.25 cent ride but she was so happy and it melted my heart.

The first few years of Christian being in the public school system were easy. By the time he was in 4th grade some behaviors started coming out and the school was not at all happy with him. Then came middle school where we were promised the world of changes for him and all he got was physical restraining and suspensions.

My wife and I worked weekly with the school to try and help the situation but we were both ignorant to the IDEA laws. For so many years the school and the district was telling us that they knew what was best for our child and I am ashamed to say that we believed them. The funny thing was, we were not having problems at home, only at school. We continued to try and work with the school but all our requests to get Christian help with extra services were turned down.

Nine months ago my wife quit her job, pulled Christian out of school and became Christian’s full time advocate. We made the decision to pull him out of school when we picked him up one day and he was so out of control and upset that we were afraid he was having a breakdown. He has since been under a doctors care

Elijah is my only child, and I have no intention of having any other children. It’s difficult for me to speak of my experience raising Elijah in the context of him being a special needs child, as I have next to nothing to which I can compare the experience.

I can tell you what Elijah has taught me. He’s taught me how to be strong in the face of any adversity. He’s taught me to truly not give a damn about small minded, judgmental people looking from the outside in.

When me and my wife, Ailyne, had our first child Victoria in 2006 the joys of being a parent was just beginning. It was a beautiful experience to hold your child, feed her and be everything that your child depends on. I counted it all joy. We were truly blessed to be given a daughter with such beauty, strength and love.

In 2007 our second daughter was born, Isabella. Just like Victoria she was beautiful and very loving in nature except something was different, she didn’t have much strength. We learned that our daughter had Down syndrome. As she grew she had issues with acid reflux, bladder reflux, strabismus which requires a 2 year old to wear glasses and epileptic seizures. Our hands have been full but she has been a joy to our life. The lessons that she has taught us is amazing such as: Love unconditional and don’t hold grudges. She is truly a blessing.

Miguel was born extremely premature and his first diagnose was Cerebral Palsy, it was not easy to grasp the idea of having a child with special needs, however my wife Myriam and I got closer together and we work very hard to help Miguel.

I made a commitment to help Miguel however possible by learning how to give him physical and speech therapy any chance I got by watching the therapists doing it. When Miguel was about three years old he got diagnosed with Autism, this was another tough situation to handle because it involved more work by all members of our family.

Miguel has an older brother Alek (13) and a younger brother Leonardo (8) and they love him very much, we all are learning how to advocate for Miguel, how to speak for him, how to care for him, how to learn from him, and specially how to understand him. Miguel loves water and every chance he gets he wants to get wet and he is a child who needs that sensory feeling so he is always bringing anything to his mouth.

Although there was no record of abuse, there was some.  They were mostly neglected.  Bad genes, drugs and neglect are not a combination that gets a person off to their best start in life.  We adopted the trio at ages 6,4 and 2.  The fourth was age 4, but his mother, also a drug addict, had at least put him up for adoption shortly after birth.  Unfortunately, he was born tox positive and was developmentally delayed. 

 The oldest is now 19.  He had the greatest trouble adapting which makes sense because he had been through the most.  He largely rejected us as his parents and rebelled, but he made it through high school and was accepted into college.  He has little contact with us.  When we do see him, it is more pleasant now than it was when he lived with us, but despite how well it might go, he has to leave us something to let us know that it was largely manipulation.  For example, his last visit he gave his younger brother a small amount of marijuana.  But it looks like he might do fine in life. 

Our 16 year old was never held as a child and suffers from a series of behavioral diagnoses.  ADHD, ODD, RAD, mood disorders, etc.  When he hit adolescence, he rebelled and we finally had to put him in a therapeutic boarding school in Utah.  He is a very handsome boy (the girls screamed like he was a rock star when they first saw him), gifted athlete and has a million dollar smile.  He seems to rebel against all rules but is showing some improvement after about 4 months.  He too I think is going to do fine in life.  Both he and his older brother have tremendous potential, but seem to make bad choices.  We’ll see.

“Mike & Grandpa”

When Mike, my grandson, comes to my house to visit, I am sad to see him with autism and what it is doing to his life. I try and put something positive to it, but it is hard to do. The only thing I can think of is that he doesn’t have to worry too much about tomorrow or next year as I do. He is so content with so little. He likes to go for walks and we go in my back yard where I put up a swing and he likes to go there and watch the duck’s and other bird’s. He is a joy to have around. He never asks for much pop and the usual things kid’s like, as long as he has food and his cd’s to watch he is content and happy. After all is said and done he is my favorite grand son

~ Jerry Turrin – Jturrin144@aol.com

I have a fourteen year-old stepson. My wife and I have been married for four years. I have spent the last thirteen years working in law enforcement. Last November I started substitute teaching and decided in December to resign from my law enforcement job and concentrate on teaching. My fourteen year-old stepson has a disability and I had the opportunity to teach his class. I saw other kids who had more severe disabilities than my stepson.

On the weekend of June 2, 2006, I attended The Family Café, In Orlando Florida. While I was there, there was a seminar on fathers getting involved, Dadvocates. At the time I did not understand what it meant. But after attending the seminar and listening to Rich LaBelle and hearing his testimony of his son I started thinking how come I am not more involved in my son’s life, other than being a dad, playing ball and going to the movies and other things.

When mom is in denial and the schools won’t help

I have spent the last 5-6 years fighting a battle myself of behalf of my son Justin. His mother and I are divorced.  It was obvious by the time he was in 5^th grade he was different.  Justin is now a sophomore in High School and is finally getting some of the help he needs. 

In early elementary school, Justin was initially diagnosed with ADHD.  Although he wasn’t disruptive, he had trouble focusing.  He was prescribed a drug called Focolin.  As he got older, it became more and more apparent that Justin had difficulty relating to his peers.  He had significant difficulties understanding non-verbal cues and often took things very literally.  He became very isolated.  The school tested him again but we didn’t get much support.

In the late Spring of 8^th grade, Justin started having anxiety attacks and didn’t know what it was.  After I explained it to him he felt better knowing I knew what he was going through.  He began to call me all of the time when he was at his mother’s house.  Also at this time his mother and her family were saying things like he was crazy and his father was putting ideas in his head.  Justin decided to try to run away but he was found walking to house.  He began to despise his mother.  Unfortunately I had 3 attorneys tell me I couldn’t get full custody or even more custody than I had. Justin was now prescribed Lexapro.

My wife and I requested that Kiera be referred to “Early Intervention Services” in Reno, Nevada prior to the age of 2.  She was not meeting milestones, she did not walk until 2.2 years of age, preferring to roll.  She began receiving services at home then in a general education classroom.

Presently, Kiera is in the 5th grade, inclusion 15-20 percent of the day receiving speech, O.T., P.T. and therapeutic recreation at school, plus speech and O.T. with rehabilitation in the home.  She is developing independence due to positive outcomes from the services she receives at school and in our home.